Friday, June 27, 2014

Random thoughts

I am in the process of rethinking how I live my life.  I don't know about the rest of you but sometimes I find myself taking a hard look at how randomly I live.  I do not believe how I live is a bad thing; but I do think I need to every once in awhile take a good look and reevaluate. 

I am not a planner, I am not an organized person (although I have taken "paid" for several classes to change that fact; none have worked of course), I am not a person who over thinks decisions I have made.  I have lived, I have made mistakes, I have redone mistakes just to make sure they where mistakes; or maybe because they were so damn much fun I just had to give it one more go. 

Is there things I would change; of course but over all I have been happy.  But, when you live an unplanned life sometimes you miss out on where you should of gone; or maybe you just stumble on the where a little later in your life so the getter there takes longer.  Who knows.  I have found I have a deep love of the ramble the smelling of the roses kind of thing.  I have always loved art but did not pursue it because of being so self conscious.  I am so proud of my Sister in law on how she is able to create her beautiful spoon jewelry and sell it with out the apparent worry of rejection that has plagued me.  She is an inspiration to me. 

Do I lack confidence in some areas as stated above yes I do; is that a bad thing NO!  But it is something that needs to be addressed in order for me or anyone in moving forward with their life.  The moving forward in ones life needs to be done not with just the love or interest in said thing but with confidence.  Nothing can be achieved if you don't have that.  So what am I moving forward to?  I know I want to make art  a bigger part of my life.  I know I want to start running again (the restarting of that is just plain laziness on my part "mornings suck") I want to continue working dogs in detection. 

I have found I am not so interested in buying things anymore; even things that I need.  I find it boring.  I love my home; but decorating it with new things does not interest me.  I am back to loving simpler things.  Stuff I find at thrift stores and redoing them.  The having stuff is becoming very unimportant.  I want less clutter and more substance.  To do that in my life I have to "grow up" a bit.  I will never be one to be the definision of grown up.  The smart ass T-shirts, the jeans, the sweats, the combing of my hair so it lays just right is not who I am and it will not change.  That laziness in dress is just who I am and I am embracing that part without embarrassment.  The growing up part or lack a daisy way I have gone through life is what I want to change. 

What has brought this on? I am not sure, maybe it is the addition of my new dog Loki.  His outlook his easy way of looking at life.  He is my third working dog.  He is so different that I find I am both confused and amazed while I watch him grow and learn.  My second working dog Murphy was and is a comedian.  Even in his working life he thought of the hunt as a game to be won.  I never knew what he would do if there were people around.  He would always complete the task beautifully but in the process he would have to put on a show; he had to be the center of attention.  He is like that in his every day life as well.  Is that bad absolutely not.  It is both a joy and embarrassing.  He is a great joy to me; but at times he is also exhausting in his desire to be the center of attention. 

Loki is more laid back in his every day life.  Other then the antic of a very active puppy he is very easy.  When he is working it is a task to be done and done well without the antics Murphy always had to do.  Although I miss those times of unexpectedness I am finding with getting older and more relaxed that I am enjoying Loki's way a bit more.  He is content to be close to me but not on top of me; and I mean that literally.  Murphy must lay by me so that he is touching; sometimes I am the pillow.  I don't always want to be a pillow.  Yes, for those dog trainers out there I did create this through my giving up because his stubbornness was more stubborn then I was. 

I want less stress in my life; I want to give more, I am in a place in my life that looking great is less about being skinny and more about being healthy and happy with who I am and people that is a good thing.  Having less I think will do me good help me focus on what is important right now and that is who (people my dogs) that are in my life.  Pursuing art in  joyful way instead of allowing what other think is a good thing.  I wish I had this attitude when I was younger.  But, as I stated above some of those "mistakes" were just too much fun to only do once.  So, for now my advice to all of you is go out and create something anything just  make it if joyful and fun.  Life is moving at the speed of light and if you don't live it now create it now it is gone.